BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

No, EK isn’t doing the “June Cleaver Dominatrix” thing…Although, I think I’ll have to discuss that with her later, could be fun…ahem… But, let’s keep this family oriented for the time being…

So, some of you are/were expecting to see me in the Detroit area at ConVocation this weekend. That is still a possibility, but it is kind of up in the air…Why? Because it is up in the air, not me.

I was scheduled to fly out today… In fact, I am theoretically supposed to be boarding a plane right this minute… However, Momma Nature is the one strapping on the leather and stilettos this go around, and because she is in such a bitchy mood, my flight got canceled. (see below)

fig 1. The fateful canceled e-ticket

fig 2. What the National Weather Service has to say about things

fig 3. A map to go with the diatribe

fig 4. Radar imagery of the evil poo falling on my head

Soooo… As it stands right now, I have been re-booked on a flight leaving at Oh-Dark-Thirty tomorrow (02/22) morning. Of course, as you can see from the map and the weather service notice this storm probably isn’t going to end until sometime tomorrow afternoon. Therefore, my flight could get canceled again.

Right now it is just a waiting game…But, I’m here to tell you, this storm is VERY un-pretty, and just getting worse…

More to come…

Murv

You know, the rumor mill seems to be getting more activity than my coffee grinder…What’s up with that?

So, anyway, I am back from Nashville, which was my last gig for the year. I had a blast, as usual, but I’m glad it’s over and I get to stay home with the Evil One and the Offspring for a while. But, while in Nashville, I was enlightened as to some of the rumors circulating about me. For fun, I thought I’d address the ones I was told here in this blog-

1. M. R. Sellars is tall.

I suppose that would depend upon your perspective. I’m 5′ 7″…Or, I used to be. I’ve probably shrunk a bit over the years. In any case, I think that probably qualifies as average height, not tall.

2. M. R. Sellars is blonde.

Look at my picture. Do I look blonde to you? Maybe WAYYYYYYY back when I was a teenager, but that was only for one summer and was the result of spending all day in/at the pool along with the help of a 70’s era hair product called “Sun In” (Yes, it was intended to gradually bleach your hair.) Other than that, the closest I’ve ever been to blonde would probably be when I was like two or something, but even then we were talking light to medium brown, not blonde.

3. M. R. Sellars is gay.

I assume the meaning here is as in homosexual, and not the colloquial “gay = strange”…Or, even the standard “overjoyed”…Well, actually, no. I’m not. I’m heterosexual, i.e. straight. Always have been, no plans to change either.

4. M. R. Sellars is bi.

See answer to rumor 3.

And, my personal favorite…

5. M. R. Sellars attended a BDSM con in Atlanta, GA and scored with the babes.

Okay, how substantiated this particular rumor is, I have no idea, but I was informed that it had been a topic of discussion on some lists. Not lists that I am on, so who knows. Either way, let’s lay out some facts here:

A. I haven’t attended ANY BDSM Conventions at all, much less any in Atlanta. This is not to say that I wouldn’t or won’t, especially since the Miranda Trilogy would do well there, but as yet, I haven’t done a promo appearance at such a convention. (I also haven’t attended one for pleasure either.)

B. I am MONOGAMOUS and have a smokin’ hot wife. (Remember EK?) So, even if I were to attend such an event I would not be scoring with anyone but the redhead known as EK.

C. Apparently, from what I am told, the tall and blonde rumors are subsets of this particular rumor.

So, apparently from what I was told some tall, blonde dude went around saying he was me in order to score.

Dude…come on…You can’t score on your own? More importantly, you can’t pick someone who is a closer physical match to you, especially given that a simple Google search of my name will reveal a gazillion pictures that would instantly disprove your claim? Obviously you are taking the line from that Sean Connery movie WAY TOO seriously… I hate to tell you this but that was just a movie– women will NOT sleep with you just because you wrote a book.

So, all I can say is that if you did manage to score by using my name, well…Good on ya’.

But, really, if the truth be told, if you did, I hope she was a Dom and when she figured out you were lying about who you were she beat the living snot out of you (not in the good way, more like in the Miranda way) then left you tied up in a closet in a hotel room with the do not disturb sign on the door so you could spend a little time ruminating over your overt stupidity for a day or two.

Yeah, that translates into, “Get a life and stop using my name for your own personal gain, you fruitloop.”

So, there you have it…Other than the ages old rumor that I’m dead, which for some reason seems to resurface every now and then, those are the latest…To recap, I’m not tall, not blonde, not gay, not bi, and have not attended a BDSM convention for business (or pleasure), and therefore, you have NOT slept with me.

More to come…

Murv