{"id":6456,"date":"2010-12-29T09:40:46","date_gmt":"2010-12-29T15:40:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mrsellars.com\/mrblog\/?p=6456"},"modified":"2010-12-29T10:22:34","modified_gmt":"2010-12-29T16:22:34","slug":"okay-how-about-showtime","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/?p=6456","title":{"rendered":"Okay… How About Showtime?"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you are a regular follower of B L, you most likely read “You Get HBO On That?<\/a>”\u00a0 a few weeks ago. In case you didn’t, or just don’t remember it and are too lazy to click on the link to refresh your memory, it was pretty much a transcript of a conversation I had with my newly 18 year old niece who had just had her nose pierced to celebrate her birthday.<\/p>\n

For the record, I don’t care if she puts holes in her nose, or wherever else for that matter. Same goes for anyone else. However, I’m an uncle, I’m a writer, and I have a bizarre sense of humor. Therefore, it’s a moral imperative that I give my niece trouble. So, all of you pierced and tattooed whackos with email accounts can STOP sending me messages telling me what a bastard I am. If you honestly believe I am discriminating against you – and her – then your brains really DID leak out of those extra holes you poked into yourself.<\/p>\n

Put simply: Slap some Dap ™ Stupid Crack filler on your holes and leave me alone.<\/p>\n

But pointing out to the outraged idiots that they are idiots is not why I’m writing this particular blog entry. Nope. Actually I’m doing it to illustrate a “moral of the story.”<\/p>\n

“What moral is that?” you ask…<\/p>\n

Well, it’s kind of one of those “Fried Green Tomatoes” sort of morals. Remember that now famous line delivered by Kathy Bates?<\/p>\n

“Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

…It’s sort of like that. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a lot like the moral I offered in the original blog on this subject. However, Christmas was upon us, and… Well… Allow me to illustrate. Literally.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Front<\/p><\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Top<\/p><\/div>\n

\n

\"\"<\/a>

Back<\/p><\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Side 1<\/p><\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Side 2<\/p><\/div>\n

That moral?<\/p>\n

Don’t do something silly, stupid, or otherwise bizarre if you have ME for an uncle. I have money, a copy of Photoshop, a color laser printer, and one hell of an imagination.<\/p>\n

BTW, I didn’t want the other kids to feel left out, so…<\/p>\n

Niece #2 got a “Booger ™” Logoed box containing a cork, carpet needle, and antiseptic wipe, along with instructions on how to pierce her own nose.<\/p>\n

Nephew received a “Booger ™” Logoed box containing a lump of charcoal and instructions on how to make a diamond nose ring.<\/p>\n

Texts and picture messages were flying, let me tell you. Not sure if the rest of the teenagers in Saint Louis think I’m a “Cool Uncle” or a Jackass. Maybe one day they’ll figure out that I’m both…<\/p>\n

More to come…<\/p>\n

Murv<\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The hazards of having me as an uncle. Observational satire from author M. R. Sellars<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[84,1477,76,5,77,7],"tags":[8128,1379,3176,3392,3177,3175,50,3174,8158,3168,3172,3394,19,1003,3393,3173,939,480,2593,3169,8144,1090,3170,1666,417,113,1076,3396,3171,3395,679,785],"class_list":["post-6456","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-author-silliness","category-friends-and-family","category-humor-life","category-life","category-silliness","category-writing","tag-birthday","tag-blog","tag-booger","tag-btw","tag-cartilage","tag-celebrate","tag-christmas","tag-eighteen","tag-email","tag-family-gathering","tag-finial","tag-fried-green-tomatoes","tag-humor","tag-insurance","tag-kathy-bates","tag-key-fob","tag-kids","tag-money","tag-niece","tag-nose-ring","tag-party","tag-photoshop","tag-piercing","tag-printer","tag-ring","tag-saint-louis","tag-satire","tag-stop","tag-stupid","tag-stupid-crack","tag-uncle","tag-writer"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6456","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6456"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6456\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6456"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6456"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6456"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}