{"id":2291,"date":"2009-03-31T13:32:19","date_gmt":"2009-03-31T19:32:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mrsellars.com\/mrblog\/?p=2291"},"modified":"2012-03-27T15:48:37","modified_gmt":"2012-03-27T20:48:37","slug":"sometimes-you-just-gotta-say-wtf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/?p=2291","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes You Just Gotta Say, #WTF…"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are times when you have to clean out the old brainpan. Get rid of excess words, phrases, clauses, and other ridiculous stuff. It’s a battle writers fight constantly. Generally we do it because if we don’t get the unsaleable crap out of the way, then we can’t put the saleable crap on the paper.<\/p>\n

Kinda like freeing up a log jam, so to speak.<\/p>\n

So, I’m sure you are probably wondering what qualifies as a writer’s soluble fiber for the brain… The Ex-Lax for the cerebral cortex so to speak…<\/p>\n

I have no clue.<\/p>\n

All I can say is that when it takes hold, all manner of nonsensical BS\u00a0 – AKA Brain Sh*t – will spew forth. If you don’t believe me, just read the other entries in this blog… I mean, it isn’t called Brainpan Leakage for nothing, ya’know…<\/p>\n

So, anyway, on this particular day in history, my grey matter was cramping a bit, and the next thing you know I had… well… you know… an urgent brain movement<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Not having time to get to the blog, I took advantage of the first receptacle I could find… What follows here are a series of inane, nonsensical, brain sh*t expelling tweets sent forth from my Twitter account this morning, all including their original hashtag – #WTF…<\/p>\n

BTW – I received three comments in the wake of this leakage – one person was horribly confused, another enjoyed them immensely, and well, the other commented by simply unfollowing me. Guess I was just a little too intense.<\/p>\n

\n

I wasn’t concerned when she pulled the handcuffs from her overnight bag. However, the spatula and pinking shears gave me pause… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was only one way out that didn’t involve a body bag. Now, all I needed were some high heels, a spark plug, and a can of peas… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

The stilettos, she had, even if they weren’t my size. It was the spark plug and canned veggies that seemed out of my reach… #WTF<\/strong>\"pinking-shears\" <\/strong><\/p>\n

The room smelled like toast, and she looked like prepackaged sex. It was when the pizza arrived that I understood her plan… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was thin crust, with double anchovies and extra cheese. The aroma was intoxicating, but somehow I knew it wasn’t meant for me… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

“You’re late!” she screamed. The pizza guy cowered, but it was too late. Now the pinking shears protruded from his chest… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>\"anchovy_pizza\"If only there had been black olives on that pie, then perhaps I could have made my escape. But, the peas were still eluding me… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

My luck held. She grabbed the spatula, then went in search of another victim. “Be right back,” she said, as she exited the room… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

This was my chance. Maybe I could do this without the peas. But wait, what about the shoes? Damn, she was still wearing them… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

I resigned myself to whatever fate had in store. Even if I could get by without the peas, the high heels and spark plug were a must… #WTF<\/strong>\"peas\" <\/strong><\/p>\n

I had just given up when the hotel detective entered the room. “Am I interrupting?” he asked. “Yes, but please do,” I replied… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

It seems they had found her in the lobby, spatula in hand as she served cheesecake to the guests in her own special way… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

“What tipped you off?” I asked, absently rubbing my wrists where the handcuffs had been cinched tight…. #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>\"ngk-sparkplug-main_full\"“She wouldn’t let anyone have seconds,” the hotel detective replied, offering me a cigarette… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

I lit the cig and stared off into space while muttering, “You know, if she’d left the shoes, I’m sure I could’ve escaped.” #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

The hotel detective shook his head. “Not likely. They were fuschia.” I looked at him sideways. “Fuschia?” #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “If they’d been red, maybe. But fuchsia, not a chance.” I nodded my own head in agreement… #WTF<\/strong>\"aaaac6sjmocaaaaaadw7pw\"<\/a> <\/strong><\/p>\n

“So, how did this all start?” the hotel detective asked. After correcting my spelling of fuchsia I looked out the window and sighed… #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Well, you see,” I began. “There was this pair of handcuffs…”\u00a0 – 30 –\u00a0 #WTF<\/strong><\/p>\n

More to come…<\/p>\n

Murv<\/p>\n

Note: If you Twitter you can follow me @mrsellars<\/a>. Be careful, I might follow back…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Brain Incontinence. The mental cleansing of an author via Twitter. Observational humor by author M. R. Sellars<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[84,39,76,5,7],"tags":[1027,438,251,5229,1379,4954,889,4760,700,468,801,4641,1882,947,2576,1082,656,7935,996,950,8104,465,7939,5747,8190,916,5038,8146,8131,458,8170,7936,4909,7937,5094,8118,969,556,8171,4751,117,20,8143,942,159,8115,417,8117,653,73,310,6960,453,7938,945,943,1880,1044,452,948,917,8169,364,1004,208,785,3345,1024],"class_list":["post-2291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-author-silliness","category-blogging","category-humor-life","category-life","category-writing","tag-1027","tag-ac","tag-art","tag-bag","tag-blog","tag-body","tag-bra","tag-brain","tag-brainpan-leakage","tag-cake","tag-car","tag-chance","tag-cheese","tag-cheesecake","tag-cigarette","tag-clue","tag-comments","tag-cortex","tag-cow","tag-detective","tag-ek","tag-escape","tag-fuschia","tag-gotta","tag-handcuffs","tag-hashtag","tag-head","tag-heels","tag-high-heels","tag-hot","tag-hotel","tag-jam","tag-leakage","tag-log","tag-movement","tag-murv","tag-ne","tag-nsa","tag-peas","tag-person","tag-pie","tag-pizza","tag-pump","tag-pumps","tag-q","tag-rgi","tag-ring","tag-sellars","tag-series","tag-sex","tag-shoes","tag-size","tag-space","tag-spark","tag-spatula","tag-stilettos","tag-store","tag-style","tag-time","tag-toast","tag-tweet","tag-twitter","tag-van","tag-wind","tag-words","tag-writer","tag-wtf","tag-xi"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2291"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2291\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brainpanleakage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}