BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Real questions, real answers (Note that I did NOT say real good answers…)

1) I want to say that your descriptions of paranormal experiences are amazing. How do you visualize the physical experiences so acutely?

I actually responded to this one via email a while back, but I fear I may have misunderstood the question. I went into some depth about my enlisting my wife in acting out various scenarios from the books as I write them. In particular, and I don’t want to give anything away, but for those of you who have read Love Is The Bond do you remember that scene with Rowan and Felicity on the convenience store parking lot? Well, let’s just say we raised a few eyebrows acting that out in our driveway. Why did we act out that scene in the first place? Simple– so I would know what Rowan could see from various positions, what Felicity could see and was capable of accomplishing, and exactly how to describe what was going on.

However, I digress as usual…

In retrospect the young lady may have wanted to know how I visualize the physical effects of the paranormal experiences my protagonist experiences. If that is the case, then she probably thinks I’m a big, flaming idiot at this point for not actually answering the question she asked.

So, if her question was the one I didn’t answer, here it is for all to see: I fake it.

Actually, I suppose I am serious about that to an extent. I pretty much just operate on a set of basic assumptions then extrapolate from there. At any rate, I guess it is working.

The next few questions actually came from a High School student who is doing a book report on Harm None. I emailed my responses to him, but was impressed with several of his questions and thought others might like to hear the answers as well, so I thought I would add them to the FAQ.

2) Was Harm None your first idea for a book? If not, what was your first idea?

Well, it wasn’t my first idea for a book, no. Like most authors I have a filing cabinet full of manuscripts that have never, and probably will never, see the light of day. When I was much younger– actually in High School younger– I wrote quite a large amount of science fiction and was fortunate enough to have a few short stories published in some small genre magazines of the day. To follow through with your question, my first idea for a book was a novella length “space opera” that I set to paper. Unfortunately, a lack of life experience and an overabundance of teenage angst (and hormones) made it an exercise in futility. However, I wouldn’t trade having done it for the world. The process of writing it– no matter how “bad” it turned out– taught me much.

3) Why did you choose to have the setting of the book to be the same as where you live?

That’s simple. We write that with which we are familiar, or can become easily familiar. While I do an enormous amount of research into such things as police procedure, forensics, alternative religions, psychology, etc, there are some things you just can’t get from a textbook. Setting my series in the city where I live allows me to go out, get in my truck, and drive to a location easily and cheaply (well, with gas prices the way they are…but still, it is cheaper than a plane ticket). In doing that I can then clearly describe the nuances of that setting, and be accurate about it as well. It also lends to what is known as “suspension of disbelief”. Remember, some of the elements of my books are slightly over the top, however, if I have lulled you into a world of false reality with my attention to true detail, then you will more readilly accept the oddities I slip in under the radar, so to speak.

Note: Like it says in the front of the books, I do take some liberties with the lay of the land in St. Louis. I actually have changed the names of several parks and municipalities just to be on the safe side. Also, one of the most notable “fictions” is the coffee shop across the street from police headquarters downtown. It doesn’t actually exist. However, I wanted one there in my books so I annexed (via Literary Eminent Domain) a portion of the City Hall parking lot and built a coffee shop there.

4) How long did it take you to write this book (Harm None)?

Start to finish, including research time (interviewing, reading texts, riding with local law enforcement, etc) I write, initially revise, and rewrite a 100k – 120K word Rowan Gant Novel in right around 6 months, give or take a few weeks. It usually takes another 30-60 days of me arguing and pitching fits with my editor (well, not really, but we don’t ALWAYS agree), in order to get any of the publisher mandated changes done or rewrites completed. After that it’s time to start another one (if I haven’t already.)

5) Where were you when you wrote the majority of this book (Harm None)? i.e. coffee house, home, poetry cafe…

The bulk of my writing is done in my office at home. Back then I was working a full time job (other than being an author) so my writing was done primarily on weekends and evenings. Now, I actually must set aside time from my touring schedule to write. However, if I happen to be running behind on a deadline, my notebook computer sees action on airplanes and in hotel rooms (even while I am waiting for my daughter to get out of her “College for Kids” classes.) Still, Harm None itself was written, in its entirety, in my office at home. (The computer it was written on, however, has long since gone to the electronics scrap heap in the sky.)

6) Do you have any advice for the students of my class?

“Wear sunscreen”

If you have not yet heard that song, ask your teacher as I am sure she or he has. If not, look it up on the Internet and listen to it, or read the lyrics (use the link above).

After you are done chuckling and saying “yeah, right, that won’t apply to me,” listen to/read it again and take it to heart. All of it. I couldn’t give any better advice if I tried for the rest of my life. Trust me, I’ve already lived much of what the man says.

Okay, that’s it for this go around. I have much more writing to do so I may be scarce for a bit!

MR / a.k.a. Murv

And, no. For those of you who are old enough to remember this, I am NOT about to break into a rousing chorus of  “I Do The Watusi” by Howie Mandel. If you are too young to remember, then click on the link above and have yourself a taste of post St. Elsewhere but pre Deal or No Deal Howie…

But, as usual, I digress…

MY questions aren’t about cottage cheese in shoes, or hamsters named Phil residing behind bars (again, see the above link). Mine are about this show called Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

I accidentally watched a couple of episodes of this thing. Primarily because I turned on the TV and there it was. I used to like watching stuff like This Old House and Hometime, so I gave it a go. In case you haven’t seen this thing, it basically revolves around that hyper guy who used to do the Sears commercials and a group of interior decorators/remodeler/contractor types. They roll into a town in a tour bus and right up to the door of the person selected for the home makeover (via an interesting application process I’ve now found out). They send the person and their family off on an all expense paid vacation for a week, then demolish their house and put a new one in its place. All good, correct? I mean, especially when you consider that the people who manage to run the gauntlet of the application process are usually in some way, shape, or form, nearly destitute. They can’t pay for even the simplest of repairs on their home, in some cases the home is being condemned by the city, they have a whole raft of kids, and are living hand to mouth, and it seems that a prerequisite is to also have one or more disabilities in the family unit. These people are desperately in need of help. So, this show is doing an incredibly good and charitable thing for these folks…or so it seems.

These TV personalities roll in and replace the existing home with a brand new, completely decked out, much larger “dream home” by almost anyone’s standards (except the unnaturally wealthy that is). I’m talking in terms of a 45K shack or even a  worthless piece of falling down condemned building being replaced by a 250K to 350K home (And I’m just talking about the “shell of the home” when I toss out that number, because it doesn’t end there…They end up with all of the redecorating amenities, all new furniture, plasma TV’s on damn near every wall, and a kitchen that would make Emeril scream BAM! at the top of his lungs…Not to mention added bonus stuff like expensive toys and/or sports memorabilia for the kids, etc…–and that is just naming a FEW of the niceties.)

Well, here is where my questions start popping up.

Now remember, like I said, most of these folks (the ones I’ve seen so far, at least) can barely make their mortgage and feed themselves too, so let’s keep that in mind, as that is what is prompting most of my questions…

1) Who is going to pay the taxes on this new house? They are going to be a hell of a lot higher than they were before.

2) How do the rest of the people in the neighborhood feel about this monstrosity sitting next to their smaller homes? This new home’s value is definitely going to affect the neighborhood standing, and therefore the values and taxes on their homes. One way or the other. Either THEIR taxes are going to go up, or if the neighborhood is REALLY depressed, suddenly the city is going to come in and start condemning everyone else’s home. Next thing you know eminent domain happens and developers get their fingers in the pie, and…well, you see where I am heading…

3) Since these “dream homes” are normally being plunked down in middle to lower class neighborhoods, what would happen if for some reason that home needed to be sold? You sure can’t get the dollars that went into it back out of it if the neighborhood won’t support it. Unless, of course, some permutation of the question number 2 scenarios occurs…

4) Why in all hell do these people need Plasma TV’s on almost every wall in the friggin house? That’s one I just can’t get my head around…

and finally…

5) Wouldn’t it be better for ABC and this program to build smaller, less opulent homes that are livable and solid, thereby being able to build MORE of them and actually HELP MORE PEOPLE who need it? Oh, I don’t know, like maybe in Mississippi and Louisiana? People who are living in ratty FEMA trailers and not knowing when or if they’ll ever manage to get their homes rebuilt?

Yes, I know. If they were to actually do number 5 then it wouldn’t be EXTREME, and they wouldn’t have a viable TV Show would they?

Well, sorry, I still see this as a rather ridiculous excess. But then, that’s just my opinion…and you know what they say. That and a buck will get you a cup of coffee (as long as you aren’t talking Starbucks. Nothing against Starbucks mind you…it’s just that you won’t get a cup of coffee there for a buck…)

MR