BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Hey, kids… It’s time for me to be all unpopular again. So, as with my normal disclaimer at the beginning of my workshops, if you are going to be offended by the fact that I have a different opinion than you (if I do, because for some of you I may not), then go elsewhere. I have no intention of arguing with you in the comments section, via email, in person, or in any other fashion. To that end, I’ve turned off the comments because here you are in MY house, and you aren’t going to call me names in MY house.

So here’s the deal…

It seems that JC Penney has manage to spark a hubbub over a t-shirt. In particular, the text on the t-shirt. In case you haven’t heard about it, or seen it, I will post a pic:

The “TwitRage,” “FaceRage,” and “BlogRage” over this has been epic. People calling for boycotts of JCP, calling for heads on poles, blood, guts, veins in their teeth, dead burnt bodies, and all manner of nasty stuff (apologies to Arlo for borrowing his words). I’m not kidding.

One TwitBlogger (that being twitterer/blogger – NOT Twit who Blogs) said, “…it singlehandedly took the feminist movement back about sixty years. “

Wow.

I mean… F*ckin’ WOW…

Color me ignorant, because I had no clue that a shirt with some overtly silly – and satirical – prose scrawled across it could be so powerful. But then, when I made a similar comment on a blog – a blog which ended with “what’s YOUR opinion” mind you – I was told by another commenter that “Clearly, you understand neither the words ‘satire’ nor ‘stereotype’. “ I was also informed that 12 year-old kids do NOT understand satire. Someone should have told my sixth and seventh grade English/Lit teachers that little tidbit so they would have avoided teaching it when I was in school.

My Grand Offense

(click to enlarge)

Of course, it’s way too late to clue in my English/Lit Teachers from 36+ years ago, so that’s a moot point. However, I think maybe they should send a strongly worded letter to my 11 year-old daughter and inform her of this fact. She is apparently breaking the “kid rules” by having a firm grasp on satire, sarcasm (properly used, mind you), and comedy. They should also CC this letter to all of my daughter’s friends who have a similarly firm grasp on the concept. Maybe they should get detention or something…

However, I will admit, perhaps I shouldn’t have said, “Get Over It.” Maybe that was just too strong a comment and it offended the sensibilities of the other commenters. I will, however, stand by my conviction that people will find something to get offended by if they want to.  I mean, what if it was a t-shirt that said “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche”? Does that mean I’m not a real man? What about other “doods” who eat quiche? Do we have to turn in our Man Cards? Should we be offended by the fact that we are being labeled as… Oh… I dunno… Non-Men?

What about the t-shirts that say, “Too Cool 4 School”? I guess those are setting back the public education system by 100 years?

Here’s the thing – Folks who take offense to things will often do everything in their power to blow it out of proportion, because everyone should be just as offended by it as they are. Unfortunately, in this day of quick access via social media, they are able to beat their drum with a tweet or an update. Once there was a time when they would have had to sit down and write a letter, or get out the posterboard and sharpies to make a protest sign. That involved work, and time. Combined, those would allow a chance for them to consider their actions and say, “You know… My gut reaction was A, but now that I think about it, and view it from all sides, my reaction is B and I don’t feel anywhere near the moral outrage I did fifteen minutes ago.”

One would think that this process would take place in the subsequent 15 minutes anyway, but that’s not how it works. Someone lights the fire because it’s as easy as flicking a Bic. Next thing you know you have mob mentality taking hold. Once that happens, the mob ceases to think. They just act – or more accurately, act out.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first SOB who will jump up and down, scream, and beat the drum to protect the rights of anyone to have their opinion – and to express it. So, I’m not at all offended by the fact that these folks elected to express theirs – even though they were about me – and 12 year olds – but not the shirt. More power to them.

Still, I think – Umm, no, I’m downright positive – they are missing the point here. Just as they have a right to their opinions, JC Penney has every right to sell that shirt. And those who hate it have every right to hate it and therefore NOT buy it. They do NOT have the right to demand that JC Penney not sell it, because now they are infringing on JC Penney’s rights, as well as the rights of those who get the joke and might like to buy one.

What they also do NOT have the right to do is make unfounded accusations against the company, and the shirt. Neither JC Penney nor this shirt – which they have now removed from their website, by the way – did any damage to “the feminist movement.”

Nor did the Corona t-shirt I saw at Target damage Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

Nor did the “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt damage anyone standing next to the person wearing it.

It all comes down to this: It’s a t-shirt. An ugly t-shirt at that. Odds are it won’t (or wouldn’t have, as the case may be) sell very many, therefore it would be discontinued. However, by making such a big deal of it on the web, the people who hate it have now called it to the attention of people like me, who get the fact that it’s intended as humor – and there are a damn sight more of us than you think, both male and female.  Whether or not it succeeds in that aim isn’t the issue. Odds are you just created a demand for it.

You know what? I take it back. I did need to say Get Over It.

BTW – Go ahead and think I’m a misogynistic asshole all you want, I can’t stop you. However, I’m willing to bet my wife, daughter, sister, and every other female – scratch that… Every other person, be they male, female, or somewhere in between, who has actually spoken with me for more than five minutes will staunchly disagree with you.

More to come…

Murv

UPDATE: I just returned from walking my brilliant 11 year-old daughter home from school in the lovely 101 degree heat of a St. Louis Summer Afternoon… An informal poll of her friends, and her as well, asking “Would you want/buy a t-shirt that says ‘I’m too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me” resulted in: “Uh… No… That’s stupid.”

A small sampling, yes, but I think you get my point. The only people getting outraged about it are the people who are looking for something to be outraged about. Kids today are more interested in plain shirts that say HOLLISTER or AEROPOSTALE on them. Trust me. I have the credit card receipts to prove it…

So… Just got back from a family vacation. E K and I haven’t taken too many of those in recent years… Well… In sorta recent years. You see, it goes like this – After the o-spring was born, vacations weren’t terribly feasible, what with us being “old parents” and not wanting to drag an infant, then toddler around on long trips. Besides, have you ever seen how much crap you have to carry around for an infant/toddler?

Then after that, I was spending tons of time away from home on tour, so the last thing I wanted to do was get on the road, or an airplane, to go somewhere. I just wanted to be HOME.

However, as the o-spring has grown older, the economy and changes in the book industry have reduced the amount of touring I do, and other silliness has occurred, over the last few years we have started to take family vacations.

Ahhhh… Nice… Relaxing… Well, not always. There’s a lot of hurry up, rush, rush, rush involved in vacationing. However, we definitely try to make it as relaxing as possible.

At any rate, this year we used some vouchers I had picked up from being bumped from flights while on tour, and turned them into a 6 day getaway in The Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Park. In the coming weeks I’ll be posting pics and detailing some of the more interesting – and sometimes funny – moments of our adventure. However, for now I am going to relate to you a few links of places we visited, and my “Twitter Travelogue” for those of you who might not follow me there or on Facebook (also because some of the texted tweets never made it to the web due to cell phone issues)… At any rate, the following is captured from my cell phone (note – the embedded links will take you to info or websites about specific locations, etc):

At cattle yard waiting for jet-propelled, wing-ed semi. Skipped breakfast. Dunkin’ Donuts in my very near future. 😀 6:53 AM  6/12

Dead pig croissant installed. Mmm good… Coffee being installed NOW… 7:16 AM  6/12

In airplane, everybody can hear you sneeze… 10:07 AM  6/12

On ground Salt Lake City. 3 hour layover. Was going to shop for an extra wife, but E K said NO.  10:12 AM  6/12

Squatters “Captain Bastard’s” Oatmeal Stout… A. Loots should be JEALOUS! 10:50 AM  6/12

Squatters Pub at Salt Lake City Airport… Mentos would love this place… 11:38 AM  6/12

Longest leg of flight, small airplane. Shortest leg (under 1 hour), big
airplane. E’splain that one, Rucy… O_o  12:35 PM  6/12

There’s a bookstore next to my gate. I wonder if they have anything by that Sellars guy? 12:51  6/12

Onboard cattle car. The “Loud” FAMILY seated behind me. :-< 1:25 PM 6/12

 

Beefalumps and mountains EVERYWHERE! I don’t think I’m in Missouri anymore.  12:01 PM  6/13

Sorry for the lack of updates. They took me up into the mountains last night, but this morning I es-cop-ayed! 12:15 6/13

I’m like wayyy closer to the clouds than normal… It’s kinda spooky… 12:21 PM 6/13

Whooa! I think I just saw a whole mess of those airplane eating cloud monsters from the Shatner Twilight Zone episode… 12:25 PM  6/13

Fellow authors, research note: a chase scene inside Jackson Hole airport in Wyoming probably won’t work. Too small. 12:43 6/13

Mucho excellent lunch at Snake River Brewing Pub. www.snakeriverbrewing.com. Killer fish & chips and an excellent black & tan! 2:26 PM  6/13

In Wyoming lookin’ for a liquor store… 2:39 PM 6/13

Shades of an adventure movie, Batman! I’m riding a funicular tram! 3:02 PM  6/13

On tram. Trapped at top in thunder-sleet storm because of lightning. No sh*t. How cool is this! 3:19 PM 6/13

Back down off the mountain. Hammered a Red Bull. Heading for Moose… Town or mammal, not sure which… 4:23 PM  6/13

What happens when two unstable air masses collide in the mountains? Pretty much the same thing that happens at sea level, only way colder 6:23 AM 6/14

“The Mask” 2011 – A vacationing author’s CPAP mask disassembles itself in the middle of the night. Hilarity ensues. (R) Language  6:40 AM  6/14

Rafted the Snake River with a philosopher named Steve. His advice: It’s all about the unknowns. Embrace yours… 1:05 PM  6/14

Following the advice of the great Snake River Philosopher Steve, I am now ascending Signal Mountain. In a car. I’m not crazy ya’know… 4:46 PM 6/14

Made pretty pictures of mountains. Played hide ‘n seek with ground “skwirlz.” Now having a Starbucks DS from the Gen Store. 7:36 PM 6/14

Ate Elk. Drank Scotch & Irish coffee. Visited with rather large Grizzly bear & took his picture. AMAZING sunset over Tetons. Pics taken. Bed 10:00 PM 6/14

Blue sky over the Tetons this morning. AWESOME view! On tap – Breakfast, hike, lunch, then North into Yellowstone… 7:26 AM  6/15

Please excuse the odd timing of updates. Cell service has been dicey, and my phone just empties the outbox whenever it gets a signal… 😐 7:31 AM 6/15

At Jenny Lake. Forest is here too… JEH-NAYYY! 10:59 AM 6/15

Yes. Bears DO poop in the woods. 11:00 AM 6/15

Yellow-bellied Marmot, ain’t askeered. Moose on path, no “skwirl” though… 12:56 PM 6/15

Gal in miniskirt & heels (not E K) on mountain hike. That’s dedication… 1:46 PM 6/15 (FYI – this was NOT a joke tweet…)

I forgot. Here in the valley, curvature of the Great Divide prevents my text signal from reaching you. You’ll have to entertain yourselves 10:00 PM  6/15

Running Bear Pancake House, West Yellowstone, MT – Too much food, even for a fat guy like me. Tell ’em Missouri Merp sent you… 7:32 AM  6/16

In a big country, la la la la-la. Montana… If your sky is missing, they probably have it… 12:00 6/16

Contrary to rumor, I have NOT been eaten by a bear. Bison, however, could be a different story… 12:00 6/16

 

Egg beater into Salt Lake all good. Now flight home overbooked. Not this time,  Delta. No effin’ way… 7:35 PM  6/17

On ground STL… 12:13 AM  6/18

So there you go… Vacation via Twitter. Details and pics coming soon…

More to come…

Murv